Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Breathe Evenly- Chapter 2

It turns out finding Kay was not as easy as Britt portrayed. After 3 weeks without any update, Marc starts to curse himself and Britt for getting his hopes up. On this day after work, he decided to wait for Britt at the female locker room door.

“So has your friend at the informatics bureau give you any updates?” Marc didn’t want to appear too hopeful when Britt walks through the door, freshly showered.

“Getting desperate are we?” Britt playfully pushed at Marc’s shoulder, but then turned serious. “It turns out your lover is more elusive than we thought. During the past year he has transferred 3 times, from Ludwigsburg to Stuttgart to Augsburg now to Munich, which he just arrived less than 2 weeks ago. I know what unit he is at now, but cannot tell you his address. His current address on file is still one at Stuttgart, obviously out of date.”

Marc is puzzled. Why on earth would Kay transfer so many times? What is he running away from? With a pang of guilt, Marc realized how little he knew of Kay’s, his family, or his life.

“What does that mean?”

“What that means. Is that if you want to find your lover and talk sense into him, you will have to transfer to his unit or at least in the same building his unit is at. ” Britt continued. “Of course, you can creepily wait in front of the building hoping to catch him as he is coming and leaving from work. But stalking in front of police station cannot end up well.”

Marc shook his head, ” you want to get me fired?”

Britt shrugged her shoulders. “The other option is to wait for the address to be updated on the record. My friend said that could take up to 6 months. By then, Kay might have moved again already. ”

Marc scratched his head. No, he did not want to wait for another 6 months risking Kay running away from him again. But transferring to another unit was not what he had in plan.

“Transferring to another unit and moving to Munich though? That’s a big step. What about Sebastian?” Marc was not sure.

“Marc, Munich is two and half hours from here by train, even faster driving. You  can make a trip once every 2 weeks.”

What Britt said was true. Trips to Munich was definitely not taxing at all. However, for someone who resists change and adventure as much as he can, Marc was still reluctant to entertain that idea. ” But transferring units cannot be that easy. ” Nevertheless, the thought of never seeing Kay again is eating him slowly.

Britt winked at him, “you are in luck, mate. My friend said that particular riot control unit serves the most dangerous area of Munich. They have lost 6 people over the past 3 months due to various reasons. They are desperately in need of people. Transferring there would be a piece of cake.”

Hearing about the danger of Kay’s unit automatically arose the protectiveness in Marc. He became worried for Kay’s safety. He knew Kay is a great police officer and will be able to look after himself. However, the need to be by Kay’s side suddenly became insurmountable.  To protect Kay, or just to hold his hand and face danger together.

Transferring was just as easy as Britt predicted. All paperwork had gone through within 2 weeks. Marc even received a pay raise as enticement to seal the deal.

Marc packed all his belongings, which consisted of merely 2 suitcases and 2 boxes into is Volkswagen Golf. Before hitting the road for Munich, he stopped by to see Bettina and his son Sebastian.

Sebastian is growing fast, now able to crawl everywhere and walk a few steps. To Marc, his gabbled “Papa” is the sweetest music to his ears.

While Sebastian is pre-occupied with the toy his father just brought him, Marc glanced over at Bettina.

“Bettina, I am moving to Munich.” Marc said slowly.

Bettina stared at him, seemingly surprised.

“I will still come by every 2 weeks to see Bastian as we agreed upon. ” Marc continued.

“Why?” Bettina interrupted him. “Why are you moving to Munich all the sudden Marc?”

Marc avoided Bettina’s stare and focused his attention back to his son. “I want a new start.”

“Don’t bullshit me Marc. ” Bettina walked closer to him. As if a sudden realization came upon her, she started nodding her head. “You are going after him, aren’t you?!”

Marc looked down to the floor and remained silent.

“Are you Marc?!” Bettina raised her voice.

Marc sighed. He knew this was going to be difficult. He couldn’t ask Bettina not to be angry with his decision. ” Bettina, I know you would be angry. I am sorry I couldn’t give you want you deserve. I can never ask you to forgive me, but I am very thankful that you allow me to see Bastian.  I will be forever indebted to you. If you need anything in the future, just call or text. I will do my best.”

“Hosenscheisser,” Bettina muttered under her breathe. She stared at Marc long and hard for what seemed like hours. Marc shifted between his feet uncomfortably, debating to stay until he could say proper bye to Bettina or just kiss Sebastian and run away.

Finally, Bettina sighed. ” Just as well. I am moving in with Thomas, just haven’t gotten around to tell you.”

This is Marc’s turn to be startled. Looks like they both have news today. Marc knew Bettina had been dating Thomas for about 9 months. He had met Thomas during one of his visits to Sebastian. He seemed like a gentle man and great with Sebastian. Marc knew Bettina puts Sebastian as top priority and would not agree to move in with him if she didn’t think Thomas would get along with her son. But the idea of his son living with a strange man still made him uncomfortable. Then again, he was on no grounds to dictate Bettina’s life.

Marc swallowed all his thoughts and managed to smile weakly. “Congratulations Bettina. Thomas is a great guy. I sincerely hope you will be happy.”

Bettina nodded. Her eyes became reddish and watery as if she suddenly became emotional. “He is. I am very lucky to have found him. Especially after what I went through with you.” She smiled too, “Marc, I guess what has passed is past. I know you have been miserable over the past year. I still cannot fully forgive you now, but I probably will with time. ” She looked over and caressed Sebastian’s soft chubby cheeks. “After all, you are Bastian’s father and I do need you to be well. So go to Munich and do what you have to do. But his time, please don’t be such a coward about it.”

As if a huge rock had dropped from his shoulders, Marc nodded and grinned. Even years after, he still did not quite understand how Bettina was able to come around what he had done to her. But he was always thankful to have this woman in his life.

Marc awkwardly extended a hand to Bettina. Bettina smiled and came close. She gave him a hug and squeezed his shoulders.

As Marc drove on the stretched highway heading toward Munich, he can’t help to imagine maybe, just maybe, one day, he could bring Kay to meet Sebastian. Of course, Marc chuckled to himself, that is wishing for too much. Right now, the biggest hurdle is to convince Kay to come back to him.

 

 

 

 

 

Breathe Evenly- Freier Fall Fanfiction

 

Chapter 6

In the hospital Kay was received by a group of doctors and nurses. Marc could only make 2 words out of all the hospital language, blood and surgery. He kept following Kay’s bed until one nurse stopped him from following any further.

“I am sorry sir but you cannot go any further. They are taking him straight to the operating theater. He is in good hands. ” The nurse looked at the blood on Marc’s face and asked, ” I think you should get checked up too sir. Are you hurt?”

Marc shook his head. “These are all Kay’s blood.” He felt tears starting to threatening stream down his face again.

The nurse is at loss of what to do but show Marc the glass door by the hallway where the waiting room is. “We will keep you updated on the progress.” She gently patted his shoulder.

Marc found a bench by the corner and sat down. He does not know what to do. He does not even know what to think. The exhaustion of working nonstop the last 24 hours is starting to catch up with him but the thought of rest never passed his mind. He looked down his hands filled with blood. Kay’s blood. Marc hated that he couldn’t be by Kay’s side. While Kay was fighting for life, all he could do was sulking in this bench.

Marc passed his hand through his hair and took a deep, even, steadying breathe. He gathered up all his energy to stand up and walked to the bathroom on the other side of the waiting room. As if all his emotions went overboard and started to flow out of him, he vomited on the floor. He leaned against the wall and took a shaking breathe. When Marc caught his reflection on the mirror, he almost scared himself. No wonder the nurse was looking at him weirdly. He looked like a mess. His eyes are swollen and face covered with blood.

Marc opened the facet and tried to wash all the blood off his hands and face. He looked back into the mirror and a man that he does not recognize stared back. Eyes all red and swollen, dark circles below the eyes are extremely apparent on the pale face.

Marc shook his head in disgust. The smell of the vomit on the floor was enough for him to run away from the bathroom back to the waiting area.

It felt like century that Marc sat there, staring at the wall in front of him. He thought about how his life has changed since he met Kay. The first time they ran together, the first time he saw Kay in the showers, the first time Kay kissed him in the woods, the first time making love in the rain… Marc thought about how unfair this all was. He had just finally just found Kay. Over the past 3 weeks, Kay had just started to soften around him. And tonight, Marc still can’t really believe what happened tonight. Kay, shielding him from the bullet. The one laying in the surgery fighting for life should have been him. Marc wished that he was the one who got shot tonight. Kay was hurt. Kay was angry. But Marc firmly believe now that he should have never doubted how much Kay loved him all this time. If Kay couldn’t make it… Marc closed his eyes. He did not want to think about that situation too much because he did not know what he would do then.

Many people came and left. Their supervisor Alfred asked him to recount the situation on tape, the guys in the same unit came by to check how Kay was doing, even news reporters came into the waiting room and asked Marc many random questions. Marc did not pay much attention to any of them. He signed where people told him to sign, stared at people talking to him without listening to a word they are saying. His new colleagues just thought this was due to the shock of it all and did not think too much. After all, everyone was tired after a long day.

The news reporters lost their interest when Marc was clearly not in the state of answering any questions. Everyone finally hi left and Marc was left alone in that quiet waiting room again. He tried to focus but his mind is just racing at about a thousand kilometers per second. He felt like he had been there forever and it’s getting increasingly difficult to breathe. He looked around the waiting room to find a clock. 4 AM. So how long had Kay been in surgery? 7 hours? 8 hours? Marc vaguely remembers it still being light out before they came to the hospital, so might even be longer than that.

The sound of door opening caught Marc’s attention. A man in scrubs with a doctor badge and mask hanging around the neck walked toward him.

“Officer Borgmman? ”

Marc immediately stood up. His feet so wobbly that he felt unsteady all the sudden.

“Are you okay sir? Maybe you should sit down.” The doctor asked in concerned voice. He caught Marc’s arm preventing him from falling down. Marc quickly nodded.

“I’m doctor Schimdt and I had been operating on Officer Engel for the past couple 8 hours. It went as well as it could have considering the circumstances. The bullet pierced his right lung and damaged couple of major blood vessels in his body. We patched up the vessels and fixed the lung. He is out of the operating theater being transported to the intensive care unit.”

Marc wanted to feel relieved about Kay making it out of surgery. But the serious tone in doctor’s voice made him extremely uneasy.

“Is he, is he going to be okay?” Marc asked carefully.

“He is fairly stable right now. But I cannot say that he is completely out of the woods yet.” The doctor sighed. “The damaged lung is not working very well now and he had lost a lot of blood. That is why he is on life support now. The bleeding seemed to have stopped inside the theater, but we put in a couple of tubes draining from his chest to makes sure he doesn’t bleed later. There is always the chance of bleeding or infection or the damaged lung does not heal the way we hope. Also, I have to let you know.” The doctor pauses assessing whether Marc is in a well enough state for the next information. “He had been without oxygen for a while before the paramedics found him, and his heart did stop beating a couple of times while on the operating table. I cannot tell you how much damage those had done to his brain. We will just need to wait until he wakes up.”

Doctor’s harsh words of lung, blood, and brain damage were still ringing in Marc’s head as he followed him toward the empty corridors leading to the ICU, where Kay is now. He looked through the window and swallowed nervously when he saw Kay laying in one of those large beds.

A nurse introduced herself as Monica showed him inside, “you can stay as long as you want through the day until visiting hours are over at 8pm. If you need anything, just ask me.”

Marc thanked and went closer to the bed Kay laid under layers of blankets and drapes. He was barely recognizable with so many lines, drains and tubes coming out of his body. His face was still pale but looked better than previous night laying on the pavement.

Marc always hated hospitals. He hated the smell of disinfectant and blood. He hated the constant beeping of the machines. He hated the idea of being vulnerable or see anyone else in that state. He hated how he couldn’t control what happens inside these walls. He felt extremely nauseous and barely able to stand but he was desperate to be by Kay’s side.

Marc found a small plastic chair by the corner of the room. He dragged it to Kay’s bedside and sat on it. The chair was extremely uncomfortable. He carefully took Kay’s free left hand and held it to his lips.

“Kay, thank you for saving my life. I love you.” Marc whispered. He was starting to tear up again. “I am sorry it took so long for me to realize that. I will never leave your side again.” He reached to brush Kay’s forehead and blond hair. “You can get through this, Kay. We can get through this. ” He kissed Kay’s knuckles and continued. “We have a whole life in front of us, together. Just come back to me Kay.”

The respirator machine continued to make that wheezing sound with every breathe it delivered to Kay through the large tube coming from Kay’s mouth, syncing with the rise and fall of Kay’s chest. The constant beeping sound from the bedside monitor indicates Kay’s heart beat. Normally that would have annoyed Marc to no end, but at this moment, he found it surprisingly soothing.

The exhaustion of the extremely long 36 hours is finally catching up to Marc. He laid his head on Kay’s bed and fell into restless sleep, breathing evenly with the rhythmic rise and fall of Kay’s chest, never letting go of Kay’s hand.

Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Chapter 4

Marc was jogging in the same heavily wooded trail as he had always done in the past year. With a playful swat on his head, Kay came from behind and smiled at him with that cocky smile of his. “Breathe evenly, pussy.” Marc smiled back and they ran side by side.

Kay went in the front. He swung his head back and gestured Marc to catch up to him. Marc picked up his speed and tries hard to keep up with Kay, but Kay just goes faster and faster until Marc could hardly see him anymore. Suddenly it turned dark around Marc as they went deeper into the woods. Marc feels he has reached his limit of exhaustion trying to keep Kay in sight. All his efforts were futile as Kay disappeared far away into the distance. All he could hear was Kay’s desperate yet distant voice, “Marc, where are you? I need you. Come help me Marc….”

“Kay!…”

Marc opened his eyes drenched in sweat. He could hardly catch his breath. He glanced over to the alarm clock which read 18:45. Almost time to get up and get ready for his shift anyway.

Marc wiped  the sweat from his forehead and closed his eyes again. The picture of the dark forest and Kay’s desperate voice are still so vivid that was difficult to shake off. Marc had no idea why, but this same nightmare had been torturing him for the last 3 weeks ever since he saw Kay again on his first day at the new job.

After that emotional meeting with Kay on the first day, Marc came back to his small studio apartment and drank himself to oblivion. Okay, if Marc was being logical, he expected the meeting to go the way it did. In a way, the meeting went better than his worst fears. For one, at least they didn’t cause a dramatic scene at the station for everyone to know about their affairs. Kay also did not indicate there was another man or men in his life. Thirdly, Kay did not say that he didn’t want to see Marc again.

Then again of course, Marc was never really logical when it came to Kay. The icy cold stare Kay gave him with those blue eyes made him shudder. Part of him thought coming to Munich was a total waste as Kay would never be able to forgive him. But he did not want to give up so easily after making the effort to move. In a way, just being in the same city as Kay, working in the same unit, occasionally seeing him in the locker room, still made Marc surprisingly happy. Marc knew if he wanted to see Kay, he could just wait in the locker room for his shift to be over.

Luckily, the new job has been so busy that Marc didn’t have time or energy to think too much. As the newest member in the unit, Marc was almost exclusively working on night shifts. Not sure whether Kay did it on purpose, or the unit was just extremely short staffed, Marc only saw Kay 3 times during the past 3 weeks in the locker room between shift changes. Maybe he was hallucinating, but Marc did think Kay’s handsome features softened each time he saw him. The time a week ago when Marc had an ugly cut on his forearm from trying to stop a pub brawl, he thought he even saw a glimpse of concern in Kay’s blue eyes as he walked by. The next day, Marc saw a tube of antibiotic ointment beside his locker. He didn’t care if he was imagining, he convinced himself that it was from Kay. Marc couldn’t stop smiling for 3 days after that. Even though the tube is empty, he still keeps it by his pillowcase hoping that piece of plastic will transfer his feelings to its previous owner.

A brisk ringtone broke Marc out of his trance. Marc answered groggily, “hallo.”

“Marc, why do you sound asleep? Still on night duty?” It was Frank.

“Hey Frank, ” Marc perked up a little bit, “How are you? How’s Claudia?”

“We are both the same old. Nothing has changed in the unit since you left. Listen mate, ” Frank paused a bit, “we helped Bettina move today. She, she is moving in with Thomas.”

Marc smiled. Frank is a good friend and wanted to make sure Marc is okay with the news. “I know, Frank. She told me before I left. Thank you for letting me know all the same.”

Frank gave an obvious sigh of relief. “Thomas is really great with Bastian. He baby proofed his condo and got everything ready. The little kiddo is already enjoying his new home. You have nothing to worry about.”

Frank’s information does make Marc more relaxed about his son living with a stranger to him. “Thank you for all your help Frank.”

“Not a problem.” Frank replied, “how are you mate? How, how is him.” Frank is still a little weird learning his life-long friend could be in love with a man.

“Busy mostly. This unit is very short staffed. Munich is a much bigger metropolitan area than Ludwigsburg. There are so many more stupid people causing trouble and so much more shit to do. Especially with us winning the trophy over the weekend, people have gone even crazier. When the parade happens on Friday, things are just going to go over the roof. I don’t have time to think or do much else other than work. I still haven’t unpacked entirely. ” For someone as compulsive about neatness as Marc, that’s saying a lot. ” It did not go too well when I saw Kay on that first day. But that was to be expected what I had done. I think, or at least I hope,” Marc sighed briefly, “that things are slowly turning around.”

“That’s good to hear mate.” Frank chuckled, then started reluctantly on a more serious note, “Marc, I also saw your parents today. They came to help Bettina move too. They won’t admit it, but I can tell they miss you a lot. Especially your mother. They are kind of hurt by you announcing that you are moving to Munich over voicemail, not even a proper phone call. ”

Marc felt guilty by Frank’s words. He and his parents had not been on speaking terms since he and Bettina split. His parents still could not accept their only son broke off with a perfect girl like Bettina for another man. He contemplated going to visit his parents before he left and tell them the news. But considering what he was moving to Munich for, Marc did not think the discussion will end well.

“I know.” Marc did not know what else to say.

“I understand why you did that. It’s just they only have one child. Maybe on one of your next visits to Bastian, drop by at their place as well. ” Frank suggested.

“I will try.” Marc smiled. ” Listen Frank, it’s great talking to you. Thank you for keeping me updated. But I have got to get ready for work.”

“Okay Marc. Take care of yourself alright? Ciao.”

“Ciao.”

Realizing he only had 30 minutes left, Marc quickly got off bed and jumped into the shower.

Before he even had chance to change into uniforms, Marc was summoned among others to the debrief room by their supervisor Alfred.

“As all of you know, we became the champion of the world after Mario Gotze’s late goal on Sunday. ” Alfred left up his hand to calm the group down after everyone rooted and clapped. “As we welcome the FIFA world cup trophy with Bayern players to Munich on Friday, we need to get ready for action. Many people may think this is once in a lifetime celebration though I hope not because I think we will win again very soon. They are expecting over 2 million people showing up on the streets of Munich for the parade. Which means 2 millions of drunk people with no inhibition and things can get out of hand very quickly. It is people’s right to celebrate on occasions like this but it is our duty to keep everyone safe. We have organized patrol with all the police officer in Munich as well as many units from the neighboring towns. Our unit in particular will be covering near the Allianz Arena. Details of the plan will be send to you in an email tomorrow. Remember, no force unless absolutely necessary. Minimal amount of force necessary to defend yourself or protect others. …..”

“How’s your arm.” Marc was zoning out of Alfred’s routine lecture about protecting themselves and helping others. A familiar voice that was barely above whisper caught his full attention. He turned to his right and saw Kay there, standing so close to him that his arm was touching Marc’s. Kay was focusing to the front. Marc did not know when Kay moved to his right side, but the mere scent of Kay being so close that he missed so much actually made his jeans suddenly feel tight.

“It’s much better.” Marc whispered, trying hard to control his erratic breathing. “Thank you for the antibiotic cream.”

Kay did reply, did not respond in anyway, did not even look at Marc once as he left quietly after the briefing was over. But guess what, Marc thought happily, he did not deny it either.

Driving the patrol car to start his shift, Marc felt burst of warmth bathing his heart just as the rays of evening sun showered on his face. Making him feel like a teenage boy falling in love all over again.

 

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 8

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 8

For the next few days, Marc’s life revolved around 3 stops, work during night, sleep a couple of hours at home in the morning, and hospital to see Kay. He had been in Kay’s room so much that the nurses in the ICU began to fawn over his good looks, only to have their hopes crushed when they see how loving his gesture toward Kay was.

Kay did start to look better everyday which lifted Marc’s spirit up to no end. Lines and drains start to come out, or at least got smaller in size. According to the doctors, his lungs are healing very well and he will be able to come off the ventilator very soon. The only concern they had was how well Kay’s brain will recover from the lack of oxygen. For some reason, meeting Lisa had infused a lot of hope in Marc. Now all Marc can think about is Kay’s confident nature and strong personality. He firmly believe that Kay will be fine in the end.

On Thursday early afternoon, as Marc makes his way to Kay’s room a pleasant surprise was waiting for him. The tube from Kay’s mouth was gone and replaced with thin tubing delivering oxygen to his nose. Monica, the same nurse the night Kay came in was on again and greeted Marc,

“Good news. We were able to remove the tube this morning and he is doing fabulous. I was planning to call you but has just gotten so busy and hasn’t had a chance yet. ”

Marc thanked her. He was suddenly nervous as he walked into Kay’s room. Did Kay want to see him? What was he going to say to Kay?

Kay looked so peaceful reclining in bed, eyes closed, with oxygen to his nose. Kay opened his eyes when he heard someone came in through the door. As their gazes met, Kay’s clear blue eyes made Marc’s heart melt. He felt like it’s been a century since he saw them. He was so happy that he could cry again. He inched to Kay’s bedside and sat by him, carefully reading what expression those blue eyes are trying to convey.

“Kay…” Instinctively Marc held Kay’s left hand. Not knowing how Kay would react, he started withdrawing as soon as he touched Kay’s hand. However, Kay grabbed onto it. Kay is very weak right now, but Marc could tell Kay is holding onto his hand with all the strength.

Marc smiled thankfully, “how are you feeling, Kay?”

“Tired, sleepy.” Kay said in a groggy voice. “How many days have I been out.”

“The parade was Saturday. We came to hospital Saturday evening. This is Thursday afternoon now.” Marc answered.

“The parade.” Kay’s blue eyes opened wider, as if suddenly remembered something. “The parade. That bunch of assholes have to get that drunk, going at each other like retards. Are you okay, Marc? Were you hurt?”

Marc felt eyes watering again. He had to be gay. Marc thought, or why would he get emotional like this all the time, whenever Kay is involved.

Marc reached up with his other hand to caress Kay’s face. The swelling had gone down considerably over the last few days, but Marc was still very careful and gentle with his touch. “No silly. You were the one badly hurt. You are the one laying on the hospital bed. Kay, that night on the pavement, I thought I lost you forever. “Marc felt he was losing his voice.

Kay managed his characteristic cocky smile. With back and blue around the eyes and facial hair badly in need of a shave, Marc thought he had never seen Kay more beautiful.

“Come one, pussy. It takes more than that to kill me.” Kay joked.

Tears now starting to trickle down his face, Marc said in a broken voice, “Kay..You took the bullet for me. You saved my life. Just a measly thank you and I love you seem like a spit in the wind. But that’s all I can offer right now. I wanted to protect you. But it seems like I had done nothing but hurt you, physically and emotionally. I am so sorry. I..”

Kay used his hand, still tangled with IV line, to cover Marc’s mouth and stop him from talking.

“Hey Marc, it’s my choice.” Kay said in a hoarse voice, throat still dry from the breathing tube. “I am the one who ruined your life. You had a girlfriend who loved you, supportive parents, a child on the way. I had to drag you down with me. Bettina had everything to offer, a perfect family, home, and life. What do I have to offer? A quick fuck in the rain? Drugs and clubs? Sex in the dirty bathroom stalls? No wonder you decided to give up. ”

Marc leaned forward and almost crushed Kay to his own body which must have irritated Kay’s wound making him wince in pain. Marc immediate loosened his grip and murmured “I’m sorry” to Kay’s ear. He brushed through Kay’s blond spikes with his fingers and his tears streamed down into crook of Kay’s neck. Marc felt Kay burying his face in his neck as well and Kay tightly squeezing his shoulder blades.

After Marc’s sobs have quieted, he brought Kay’s forehead to his for a moment. Left hand still caressing Kay’s right cheek, Marc looked straight into those clear blue eyes covered by a layer of mist and said, “Kay, besides my son Bastian, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me who I really am. When I met you, it was a whole new beginning, as if the years before were part of some past life. I had missed you so much after you left. I thought about you every single day. You know how pathetic I had become?” Marc chuckled embarrassedly. “I ran almost everyday on our old trail in the woods. After I split with Bettina, I actually moved to your old apartment because there were too many of our happy memories there.”

Kay raised his eye brows, gently tapped Marc’s head and snickered, “that is pathetic, pussy.”

“See, that’s how I am without you. Kay, I love you.” Marc suddenly became nervous and bit his lower lip, “I want to be with you. That’s what I came to Munich for. Are you willing to Kay? ” Marc asked in an unsure tone, “Are you willing to try? Be with me?”

” I don’t know, Marc. ” Kay sighed.

Marc’s dropped his hand, he could feel his shoulders slumping. “Is, is there someone else?” He diverted his eyes from Kay’s gaze.

Kay shook his head, “I told you before, Marc. There is no one else. I just. It’s just too complicated with you. I thought everything was simple before. We were just having a great time. I knew about your girlfriend, but I didn’t know you were expecting a child. Even so, I let myself fall for you just the same. I still thought it would be simple. If we loved each other, nothing else mattered. After Bettina invited me to that BBQ, I saw you with your son, how great you are with him. How your parents told me to get out of your life and how you told me to leave too. I saw how complicated it was going to be. I was still willing to try, but you weren’t. I have to say Marc, that hurt, a lot. Much more than this bullet, if you can believe me.”

Marc brought Kay’s hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly. “I know Kay. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I was a selfish coward. But Kay, I promise, I realized what a huge mistake I had made.”

“But nothing has changed, Marc. There is still your parents, your son. How is he by the way?”

“Bastian is great. ” Marc’s spirit lifted as he talked about his son. “He’s growing up so fast. I hope he will grow to become a better man than his father. Kay, I would love for you to meet him some day. I think you two will get along great. ”

Kay laid back on the bed and snickered sarcastically, ” I bet Bettina and your parents will love that idea.”

“I haven’t talked to my parents for a year. ” Marc sighed, “I think Bettina will be okay with it, eventually. She has been very reasonable with me and plus she has found her own life. She’s not mad at you, only at me.”

Kay squeezed Marc’s hands, “I’m sorry I caused the trouble for you and your parents.”

“Don’t be silly. “Marc changed to a more serious tone, “let me ask you Kay. Do you still love me?”

Kay nodded without hesitation.

Marc smiled broadly, “then let’s give it a shot. Don’t worry about any of it right now. We will work it out eventually. I know we will.”

Kay took a deep, steadying breathe as if gathering all his courage and determination. He gave Marc the response that made Marc’s heart flip. He nodded.

Marc felt the only time that had been comparable in happiness that he is feeling now was the birth of his son. He leaned down and kissed Kay passionately, tasting the lips that he had missed all year, exploring all the corners and nooks of Kay’s mouth. Kay responded with equally feverish movements. They seemed to forget that this was an ICU room with glass walls and 10 different patients as well as many doctors and nurses in the same unit.

They had to let go of each other when the alarm on the monitor became too loud and nurses rushed in saying Kay was not getting enough oxygen. Kay turned pale a bit and looked like he was having a difficult time breathing that even made Marc slightly worried.

After catching his breath, Kay showed a satisfied smile on his face. Marc returned the smile and gently wiped Kay’s now swollen lips.

“Got to do better than that next time, pussy.”

Kay reached up to caress Marc’s cheek and brow, “you really look like you haven’t slept in days. Do you want to catch a nap here before you go to work?” Kay started to shift to the side of bed slowly to make room for Marc, frowning slightly due to pain.

Marc did feel tired. He hardly slept more than 3 hours each day since Kay had been in the hospital. With the lines, cords, and the saggy mattress, the hospital bed was not at all comfortable. But holding on to Kay, smelling his scent, there was no-where else that Marc would rather be.

Marc thought of a lot of things he still wanted to talk about with Kay, like Kay’s sister Lisa’s family, how Kay hasn’t spoken to his parents for 10 years, why did Kay move 3 times within the past year. But for now, just knowing Kay still loved him and being by his side is enough. Marc breathed evenly and drifted into deep sleep, dreaming of a future together with the man he loved.

 

 

 

 

 

Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 9

Marc could not stop smiling. They were driving back from Ludwigsburg on this Sunday afternoon. They went back to see Marc’s son Sebastian and Marc’s parents. Kay met Sebastian for the first time and also met with Marc’s parents again. To Marc’s relief, things couldn’t have gone better.

It’s been 6 months since the day in that hospital unit that they decided to give it a shot. Lisa came down from Stuttgart to see Kay the weekend after he woke up, bringing her whole family. Lisa’s husband Philip is a handsome, quiet and patient man who seems to be a loving husband and father. Their twin boys were almost replicate of Kay. Looking at the poster family, Marc could imagine that’s probably what his parents hoped for him, what he might had with Bettina. Then again, even the most expensive and well tailored Armani suit, if it doesn’t fit, it’s not for you. Looking at Kay’s clear blue eyes, it did take a while, but Marc understood that now.

Kay recovered with amazing speed. He left the hospital after a week and returned to work in 3 weeks. The first time they made love after being apartment for a year was the night when Kay returned home from hospital, against doctor’s advice. To Marc, that night was the most beautiful. At first, he did not think it was a good idea because Kay had bruises everywhere and the stitches still looked raw and painful. But Kay always had a way of convincing him. Marc was so gentle, careful not to hurt his lover. He kissed every bruise and stitch on Kay’s body that made Kay whimper. When he entered Kay, he immediately felt the tightness. Kay was much tighter than he remembered. They both did not last very long. Afterwards, Marc got a wet towel and gently cleaned both of them up. He saw tears in Kay’s blue eyes. Marc quickly took Kay in his arms and asked what’s wrong. Was he hurt. Kay shook his head and murmured into Marc’s chest that he had not let anyone else fuck him since Marc. Marc felt ecstatic when he heard but also a pang of pain as if someone squeezed his heart. He understood how much loneliness and pain Kay must have suffered, thinking the one man he ever loved had abandoned him. Marc vowed to himself that he would make it up to Kay. He hold Kay tighter and felt Kay’s steady breathe on his chest.

As new officers were recruited to the unit, Marc didn’t have to do only night shifts anymore and their working schedule finally synced a bit. The nature of their relationship was no secret from many of the guys in the same unit since when they all went out for drinks, Marc and Kay couldn’t seem to keep their hands off each other. Marc realizes that Munich is a much bigger city and the fact is, not one seems to care.

They almost spent all none working hours together. For Marc, the best thing is waking up in each other’s arms in the morning. Before, Marc was never able to stay the night even though he desperately wanted to. He was always worried this time Bettina would find something suspicious and begin to question him.

Now, no more hiding, he could stay as long as he wanted. On the days they both didn’t need to work, which weren’t that many, they could stay in bed almost all day. Making love because they just could not get enough of each other’s bodies. But a lot of times, just holding onto each other, watch movies, watch football matches, or just talking, about everything and nothing.

Taking Kay to meet Sebastian and fixing the relationship with his parents were what Marc had been working on for 3 months. As Marc expected, Bettina was not too happy when he first mentioned it, but she came around eventually. As she had been in a extremely happy mood since she and Thomas had got engaged, it wasn’t that hard to convince her. His parents required a lot more work. When he told them he was with Kay now and wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, his father kicked him out as his mother was sobbing. Marc waited 2 months until he went to visit his parents again, with Frank’s help. He told them that he and Kay loved each other and they can accept it or leave it. He also told them about how Kay saved his life by shielding him from the bullet. If it weren’t for Kay, they would have no son.

They came around too, finally. Maybe they were moved by what extent Kay would do to protect their son. Marc’s father personally called and invited them for lunch at home on the coming Sunday, when they knew Marc was coming to visit Sebastian.

So everything did fall to places in the end. To be honest, Marc couldn’t remember if he had ever been this happy. Maybe the first couple of days after Sebastian was born, but that for sure did not last very long. They had only been together for 6 months, but Marc felt they had known each other forever.

As Marc is daydreaming into blissful happiness, he suddenly felt a swirl in the car. Their Volkswagen Golf almost hit a silver Mercedes when trying to merge into the lane. Kay immediately swayed to the other side. Thankfully, the other lane was empty.

“Kay! What’s wrong? Are you tired, babe?” Marc asked.

Kay shook his head. He was breathing erratically and his knuckles on the steering wheel turned white. He was clearly shaken by the incident.

Marc laid a hand on Kay’s shoulder, “stop by the side of the highway, we change spots. Come on. Let me drive for a bit.”

“No, you worked late last night Marc. I’m fine. We are almost there.”

“I slept on our way there, and I napped a bit just now. I want to drive. Come on, Babe, let’s be safe.” Marc was persistent. Spending the afternoon with Sebastian and Marc’s parents must had been emotionally draining for Kay.

Kay sighed and nodded.

Sitting in the driver seat, Marc glanced at Kay. He was deep in thought. Kay had been like that a lot recently, especially over the past week.

“Penny for your thought?”

Kay rubbed his eyes and smiled at Marc, “nothing Babe, I’m just zoning out.”

“What do you want for dinner then?”

“Whatever you pick is fine with me.” Kay answered nonchalantly.

Marc frowned. Something is definitely on Kay’s mind. Kay usually is extremely picky about food. Marc made a note to himself that he needs to dig further into that later.

“Okay, I will pick up some Chinese on the way then. My place?”

“Sure, just drop me by apartment first. I need to get a few things. I will meet you at your place.”

Both having equally small places, so they spent about equal amount of time in each other’s studio apartments. Couple of months ago, Marc thought wouldn’t it be nice for them to move in together. They would need to find a bigger apartment of course. There would be no need to travel back and forth for change of cloth or other personal items. They can spend more time with each other. Marc hinted it to Kay back then, but Kay wasn’t thrilled with the idea. Thinking maybe they weren’t ready for that yet.

Marc understood. Maybe it was too soon. He didn’t want to rush Kay. But today, after bringing Kay to meet Sebastian and seeing his parents, Marc felt they had achieved something huge. They had overcame all the obstacles to be together. They had to be ready for the next step now.

Marc looked at Kay’s direction again, who was staring at the road ahead.

“Kay, what do you think about finding a bigger place for us, together? ” Marc asked carefully.

Kay was definitely startled by the suggestion. He looked over at Marc with questioning eyes, “why are you suddenly thinking of that, Marc?”

Marc shrugged his shoulders. “I thought it might be easier for us, being so busy with work and all. Less time to go back and forth between the 2 places. And both apartments are too small for 2 people.”

Kay put his head in his hands and sighed, “I don’t know Marc.”

“You think we are still not ready?” Marc was surprised by Kay’s reply.

“I’m not sure.” Kay said sullenly.

Honestly, Marc was a little angry and hurt by Kay’s reply. For the last 6 months, Marc had worked hard for their relationship. He knew the relationship could not last if he couldn’t have Kay and Sebastian get along. Marc knew they could not be truly happy if Kay kept on thinking that he caused a rift between Marc and his parents. So he worked hard, convincing Bettina to let Kay meet Sebastian, convincing his parents to accept him and Kay.

Now everything had turned out great. Marc could not have asked for a better outcome. He felt there was no obstacle between them now. Clearly, Kay did not feel the same way.

“Kay. We are practically living together now. Think about it, don’t we spend almost every minute non-working minute together? When was the last time we slept separately unless it’s due to work and shift reasons? Your shit is filling my apartment and mine is filling yours. “Marc almost yelled, “Kay, am I doing something wrong? Did you not want to meet my son or my parents? Or you just do not trust me?”

Kay put his hand on top of Marc’s on the gear switch, “No babe, you’d been perfect. I know you worked hard for us. It’s just…” Kay sighed again, “let me think about it. Okay?”

They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they stopped in front of Kay’s building, Kay wanted to kiss Marc on the lips. As Marc turned his face away, Kay sighed and pecked him on the cheek.

“Babe, I will see you later, okay?” Kay said as he was leaving the car.

“Whatever.” Marc replied coldly. He watched Kay going into the building. Shivering a bit in the December wind, his head hang low and shoulders sagged. Marc felt his heart soften a bit. Maybe he had been too harsh. There is definitely something bothering Kay and Marc is determined to find out what it is. He had suffered enough with secrets and lies in a relationship and he was not going to let that happen with Kay.

 

 

Freier Fall Fanfiction: Breathe Evenly-Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

This just shows, it’s impossible to plan life, nor love.

Marc Borgmman was never one for taking chances. Being the only child of a traditional German family in the small town of Ludwigsburg, he has always followed the path that his parents set for him. He decided to become a police officer partly because of the well structured career it entails. Police academy, candidate, constable, master, maybe even inspector or councilor one day. After all, his father was a served the police force until the day he retired, what other choice does he have?

Pregnancy with Bettina, however, was not planned. Not to say it was not welcomed. Marc knew he would become a father one day, but he’s not ready. Despite being 28 years old, despite being with Bettina for 5 years, Marc feels he is still not ready for the responsibility of a husband and father. That is why he still hasn’t proposed to Bettina even with all the hints his parents and Bettina have been throwing at him. It’s hunch Marc cannot describe himself. There is something missing, he feels he is not complete.

Moving himself and Bettina to be close to his parents, Frank and Claudia in preparation of the upcoming child was not Marc’s favorite idea, but he felt it was the right thing to do. It would definitely make his and Bettina’s lives’ easier, though he felt so suffocated that he can hardly breath. No wonder he almost failed jogging at the police academy. How could you run when you couldn’t even take a breath, let alone breathe evenly like Kay always told him.

Acquaintance with Kay Engel was definitely not according to Marc’s life plans. With dirty blond hair, clear blue eyes and that cocky smile that never left his lips, he was like an angel and devil in one. He showed Marc a wild side that Marc never knew existed. Smoking pot, breaking in the pool after hours, clubbing, Ecstasy, sex in the bathroom stall, Marc never thought he would be the one doing any of those. Sex with Kay was a whole new experience all together. The sensual pleasure that Marc never felt with Bettina, or any other women for that matter. That first time in the rain, Marc felt as if 28 years worth of bottled up pressure was released at once. No wonder Kay was walking with a limp for 3 days after that.

The secrecy of forbidden relationship was fun and exciting. Kay’s apartment and their running trail in the woods became Marc’s sanctorum, an escape from the suffocating life at home. Only with Kay Marc could be careless and free, be himself without thinking about everyone’s expectations. After all, Kay had no expectations for him, or did he?

Marc knew things were getting serious when he felt a pang of jealousy as he learnt Kay was going to the gay clubs without him. You don’t feel jealousy if it was just casual sex. That night Kay told Marc that he loved him, Marc knew he was in trouble. Because even though he didn’t realize it then, Marc fell just as hard for Kay. He felts that his 2 incompatible worlds are colliding together, and things are getting out of control. Marc was never good at handling things under pressure, in the end, he did what he always had done, escape to his comfort zone.

Boy was that the wrong choice. Nothing had been right after that. His relationship with Bettina, like broken glass, cannot be rekindle not matter how hard he tried to glue the pieces back together. He thought he loved Bettina, and in a way, he did. Only after he had Kay and lost Kay did Marc learn that was not real love. It’s more like a care you feel for family or good friend. Real love was the brink of ecstasy when you are together, and the heart wrenching emptiness when you are apart. The emptiness that Marc felt every single moment after Kay has left almost a year ago.

Is he gay? Marc didn’t know how to answer when Bettina asked him. He didn’t think so. Because he never felt attracted to another man other than Kay. Is he bisexual? Maybe. To Marc though, sexuality was beside the point. He loved and wanted Kay, only Kay, as a person. If Kay was a woman, Marc would have fell in love just the same. It’s just Kay was a man.

So he loves Kay. Marc realizes that now, loud and clear. Since the day Marc broke the door and gone into Kay’s empty apartment, his world had ended. He had let his life gone into free fall. After all, he fell in love before he knew what love was. When something blinds you like that, it’s hard to see anything clearly. He traced the trail that he and Kay used to run, he gone to the same club he and he used to go. He had even tried Ecstasy himself and tried to pick up other guys. It was never the same. Nothing, no one could fill the void that Kay had left. When he finally grew out of his cowardice and became a man that is ready to love Kay the way he deserved, the Kay that loved him was no-where to be found.

Bettina, being the level-headed girl she is, has left Marc for her own benefit. She was able to make a life for herself and their son Sebastian. In a year’s time, she also met a man that treats her right. Marc was sincerely happy for her, even though he missed his son miserably. His parents, Marc hadn’t really talked with them for a year. He had sold his house he lived with Bettina, and moved into Kay’s old studio apartment. Which, as Marc cursed, was the worst idea possible.

Interestingly, the 2 people that helped him to gain some normalcy in his life as Frank and Britt from the same unit. Frank is a true friend. He did not approve Marc’s lifestyle or choices, but he accepted Marc for who he is. Britt showed surprising understanding for Marc’s situation, as she was coming in terms with her own sexuality. Of course, what else helped was Bettina’s threat to refuse letting Marc see Sebastian if he didn’t get his life back on track.

So he did, for his son’s sake, and for himself. He has been clean from drugs for 4 months, and only drink on social occasions. He still smoked like a chimney. Oh well, something cannot be helped.

This nice summer day when Marc and Britt are having a drink after their shifts ended. Britt suddenly asked Marc a question he didn’t know how to answer.

“So Marc, why haven’t you thought about finding Kay?”

Marc startled and almost choked on his beer. He stared at Britt’s large eyes, “why would he want to see me?”

Britt shrugged her shoulders, “well, you are clearly still hang up about the guy. I don’t see why you won’t just take a chance and go find him. Who knows, maybe he is still hang up about you.”

That thought made Marc’s heart skip a beat. God did he wish that was true. But after what he had put Kay through, he highly doubt God would be so kind.

Marc shook his head,” he would never forgive me. I put him through hell.”

“Yes you did.” Britt said with a bit of disgust. “But it doesn’t hurt to ask. Marc, you do realize this step is completely up to you. You will never see Kay again unless you reach out to him. You made it pretty clear to him a year ago that he wasn’t wanted in your life.”

Marc put his head in his hands and nodded.

“Running on the same trail you guys use to meet, living in his old apartment. This is beyond pathetic.” Britt shook her head. “It’s not healthy. I didn’t suggest this to you earlier because your life was shit. But now since you have sobered up a bit. I think you should give it a try. Come on, what’s the worst that can happen?  He rejects you. How can you be worse than you are now?”

Marc has never been the one to pursue after anything or anyone. Bettina first pursued him, so did Kay. However, now he is seriously considering Britt’s suggestion. This is the only chance that he could see Kay again. Yes, Marc admits how pathetic he is becoming. There hadn’t been a day that passed that he did not think about Kay.

–Have you thought about just ditching it all and go somewhere far away?-

Marc thought about that afternoon the most. A ray of sunset shone on his face that made Kay almost golden, smiling with such affection that Marc knew was only reserved for him. It seemed such a ridiculous suggestion at the time. But now, less than 18 months after, he would do anything to go somewhere, anywhere, just to be with Kay.

“What about Sebstian? I will miss him.” Marc is still unsure.

“Marc, you see your son once every other week. And you know he is in good hands. ”

That was a lame excuse, Marc knew. Sebstian just turned a year old, he does not need Marc as much as he needs his mom. Besides, the agreement Marc had with Bettina was one afternoon every 2 weeks. He can’t see his son other time even if he wanted to.

“How would I be able to find him?” Now comes the real question.

“Hahaha, ” Britt laughed and reached over to swat his head, “you have finally decided to man up. Don’t worry, I have a friend in the informatics bureau. I will find Kay’s whereabouts in no time.”

Marc thanked her and closed his eyes. The mere possibly of seeing Kay again made his heart race like a rabbit. Does he still wear the same cocky smile, the same swagger in his walks? Does he still jog, still club? Most of all, does Kay still think of him? Or does he have someone else.

Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Chapter 3

“Guys, today we have a new colleague joining the unit. This is officer Marc Borgmman from Ludwigsburg riot control unit. I hope you will able work well together and make him feel welcomed. Oliver, as the officer serving longest in the unit, I will have you show Marc the ropes. …”

First day on the new job, Marc wasn’t paying attention to the supervisor introducing him at all. His eyes immediately searched Kay. As soon as Marc’s name was mentioned, Kay looked up and their gazes locked. Marc felt overwhelming joy as soon as he saw the pair of clear blue eyes. His heart was racing and he felt a lump in his throat making it hard to breathe. Breathe evenly pussy. Kay’s voice started to echo in Marc’s head.

Kay looks leaner compared to a year ago. He the same clean short blond hair and full lips which Marc wished he could taste and feel the prickly scuffle around the chin. Marc wanted to run across the room and hold the well toned muscular body hiding under the uniforms, but Kay’s expression made him think it was probably not a good idea. Other than the initial startle when Marc’s name was first mentioned, Kay’s face is almost emotionless. Marc suddenly recall the day that Kay was introduced to his unit in Ludwigsburg more than a year ago. He wondered if his expression back then was as blank as Kay’s now. How fast had the tables turned for two of them.

“Engel.” The supervisor’s voice broke Marc and Kay’s daze. “You worked in Ludwigsburg too. Did you guys know each other?”

Kay immediately shook his head and avoided Marc’s gaze.

“Hmm, I could swore it was the same unit. Maybe during different times. ” Supervisor shrugged his shoulders. “Well, I am sure you will help showing Marc around too.”

The first day was also a professional development day for team building. After the activities concluded, Marc waited around the locker room hoping to catch Kay alone. But when Kay quietly changed, slammed the door shot, turned around and started walking toward the exit without so much paying a single glance in Marc’s direction, Marc had no other choice but to chance him into the hallway.

“Kay,” Marc called out behind him.

Kay stopped his steps but did not turn to face Marc, “what do you want, Marc. ”

Marc quickened his steps and walked in front of Kay to face him, meeting him eye to eye. Kay’s blue eyes was a mixture of anger, tiredness and pain, so translucent that Marc could see the reflection of himself. His lips were formed into a firm line.

“How have you been, Kay, ” Marc’s voice grew huskier.

Kay suddenly pushed Marc with such force that he slammed against the wall. “You know what Marc. I remember distinctly you wanted nothing to do with me a year ago. So it follows how I am doing is none of your business!” Kay said in a seemingly controlled voice, trying hard to hide the turmoil inside.

Marc stood back up slowly while grabbing his bruised left shoulder. ” I know, Kay. I am sorry. It was the biggest mistake I have made in my whole life. I was a selfish, greedy coward. I wanted you and I wanted my old comfortable life. I convinced myself that I was protecting people from being hurt but in the end I hurt everyone. You most of all. My life has been hell since you left. Bettina and I split not long after that.” Marc stammered. Not knowing how much time Kay would spare him, he tried to convey all his emotions as quickly as possible. He looked to Kay’s eyes and almost pleaded, “I, I love you Kay.”

“Stop Marc.” Kay shook his head, almost in disgust. “You haven’t changed. With you, it’s still just ‘me, me, me’. I loved you Marc. I thought what we had was something special. I guess I couldn’t be more wrong. ” Kay closed his eyes and sighed, lips trembling, “I took a chance and gave you my heart. You kicked it right back when you returned the keys. Now you can’t just come here, say you love me and expect me to crawl back to you. ”

“No, Kay.” Marc grabbed Kay’s arm which he shook off almost immediately. Marc sighed, “I know what I did to you was beyond horrible. I didn’t expect you to be able to forgive me. I, ” he took a deep breathe, “I just wanted you to know that I do love you, Kay. I am very very sorry. I asked to transfer here hoping to see and talk to you. To be closer to you. After all, other than my son whom I get to see once every other week, there is nothing keeping me at Ludwigsburg.”

“That’s your choice, Marc, which is also none of my business.” Kay replied coldly.

Marc stared at the other man’s well sculptured, handsome features that is wearing the most well constructed cold expression. As if his gut had just been hit with a baseball bat,  Marc looked defeated. “Well then, I hope we can get along enough to be on the same unit.”

He sagged his shoulders, turned around and walked away, feeling all his hopes slipping away from his fingers and all his energy draining to the gutter.

 

 

Breathe Evenly- Freier Fall Fanfiction

Chapter 5

The world cup parade made Marc to experience big city life the fullest. Living in a small town all his life, Marc didn’t think he had ever seen so many people on the streets. Bayern players and the trophy had long gone. However, the fans, now all drunk showed no sign of leaving. What made it worse was a group of Stuttgart fans showed up out of nowhere. Two rival teams in such close proximity had gathered bad feelings over the years. As the heat and adrenaline reached their max, what had been a relative peaceful parade is starting to get out of control.

Coming to the patrol straight off the night shift, Marc hasn’t had a break for over 24 hours. After the whole day of glaring June sun, Marc is starting to feel dizzy from the hunger and dehydration. The smell of sweat and beer is becoming nauseating increasing the bang Marc felt inside his head. He had never wished so much to go home to his bed. Rubbing on his left shoulder that received a blow when a drunk fan misplaced his fist, Marc ran down the street to a group of people who are starting to throw rocks and beer bottles at each other.

“Cut it out!” He yelled locked the arms 6 foot 5 guy standing in the front. His mate from behind swayed the beer bottle toward Marc’s head which Marc ducked just in time. It still landed on Marc’s arm making him wince. As the attacker lift the bottle again to try for Marc’s head a second time, someone grabbed his arms. Marc turned around and saw Kay’s blond hair under the glaring sun. With a bruise on his forehead and swollen cheek, he still looked ever so handsome. Marc smiled weakly and muttered thanks.

A gunshot seemingly very close by suddenly erupted, shattering the rowdy crowd. Marc immediately turned toward the direction of the shot. A bald man in late 30s 50 feet down the street with a Mario Gomez Stuttgart jersey holding a pistol randomly pointing at a group of Bayern fans who are now quickly escaping. Smell of iron filled the muggy air between the shrieks within the crowd.

Marc let go of his arrest, took out his service pistol and ran toward the shooter. As he got closer, he saw a young boy barely in teenage years laying in a pool of blood. The boy’s pale innocent face reminded Marc of his own son, making him feel sick. He slow down his steps to reach for the intercom receiver to call for ambulance. There must only be a split second that he took his eyes off the close range shooter. However, when Marc looked up again, the man in Gomez Stuttgart jersey is aiming straight at him, finger pressing on the trigger.

Marc fired without hesitation. Both bullet must have been fired at about the same. Marc thought. Maybe his was slightly later since he had to unlock the safety lock. He could only wish the man facing him was an amateur with horrible aim because there was no time to duck.

Marc had heard that you get your life flashed in front of your eyes before you die, but in that less than a millisecond, his mind was completely blank. Before he realized, he was knocked on his left side, hitting his bruised shoulder on the pavement.

Marc realized what had happened as he hit the ground. Someone knocked him down and shielded him from the bullet. With the special familiar scent of the man now collapsed on top of him, despite the burning sunshine, Marc shivered from his spine as he felt warm and sticky in his hands.

“Kay!” Marc quickly got up and laid the body gently on the ground. It was Kay, with eyes half closed, normally well tanned skin starting to turn pale, from forehead to the neck, even the full lips are losing its color. Marc saw a hole on the right breast pocket of Kay’s uniform jacket, which is quickly saturating with blood. By police instinct, Marc looked around to make sure the shooter has now fallen to the ground.  He reached for his intercom receiver but it was nowhere to be found.

“Scheibe!” Marc cursed. It must have smashed to the ground during all the chaos. Marc felt around Kay’s belt to find his receiver. He fumbled with the receiver, never leaving his sight off Kay’s now completely pale face.

“Need ambulance stat. 3 people shot, including Kay. Northwest entrance of Allianz Arena. Over.”

“Hold on tight. Over.”

Marc took off his jacket attempting to put pressure on Kay’s wound. Kay was looking at him, dim daze behind the drooped eye lids. A ghost smile appeared around Kay’s lips.

“Stay with me Kay. Help is on the way. You are going to be alright.” Maybe it was the sudden violence that woke all the drunk fans on the streets. Or probably Marc just ignored everyone else. At that moment, he felt he and Kay were the only people in the world.

Marc used his free hand to gentle caress Kay’s swollen cheek and stubbles around the chin. In a futile attempt to speak, Kay opened his lips and blood start to seep through, incomprehensible sounds like a whimper. Kay closed his eyes and tried again. This time, his voice was barely audible, “love you.”

Marc felt the tears that had been welling up in his eyes spilled over and streamed down his cheek. He dreamt of hearing those words from Kay, but not in these circumstances, never in these circumstances. “I know Kay. I love you too, so much. I am so sorry.” Marc continued in a broken voice, “you are going to be fine, Kay. Don’t try to speak again. Just focus on breathing and stay with me. ”

Marc noticed something moving at the corner of his eyes. He looked down and saw Kay was trying to move his left hand. Marc quickly wrapped his hand around it. He kissed Kay’s knuckles before pressing Kay’s hand against his chest. Marc could feel his own heart beating rapidly against their hands.

Kay opened his mouth again as if he wanted to say something again. But he just started coughing violent, with spurts of blood coming from his mouth, causing him not able to breathe. Marc turned Kay’s head to the side trying to prevent him choking on his own blood. Kay’s body suddenly convulsed by the movement and even larger amount of blood spilled from his mouth. Some spattered on Marc’s face but he could care less.

“Breathe, Kay. Damn it!” Kay grew even paler and turned blue from the lack of oxygen. Marc wrapped his arm around Kay’s shoulder to sit him up a bit see if it would help Kay breathe. Kay is desperately trying, but just end up with more aggressive coughing more blood.

Marc grabbed the receiver from the floor and yelled, “where is the ambulance damn it?! He’s not breathing!”

“It’s on the way.” Woman on the other end answered promptly. “Less than 2 minutes from the arena. Over.”

Kay suddenly turned limp. His eyes closed and his head lolled to the side of Marc’s shoulder. Marc lifted Kay’s face so he could look at him. He slapped Kay’s face a couple of times with no response. With blood still gushing through the chest wound and Kay’s face growing bluer by the second. Marc panicked.

“He’s not breathing. Where the hell is the ambulance.”

Marc had never been so grateful to hear the familiar sound of siren. Two paramedic were running toward them.

“he’s not breathing!” Marc yelled at them. One man kneeled at Kay’s side and the other at his head.

“You need to move back officer.” Marc was about to protest but the man interrupted him. “Give us some room to work so we can do our best.”

Marc reluctantly left go of Kay’s hand and took a few steps away.

The paramedics started resuscitation right away. They cut away Kay’s uniform, put a pressure dressing on the hole in the chest and started suctioning Kay’s mouth for blood.

“Blood pressure 60/40. Heart rate 140. Oxygen 80%…. We need airway now. I am going to intubate. Can someone work on the IV…..”

Marc’s whole body was shaking and his legs barely able to hold him up. He could not do anything but watch. He felt he was holding his own breathe until the paramedics were able to get a tube in Kay’s mouth and his lips started to lose its blue tinge.

As they rolled Kay’s limp body to the gurney and started loading gurney to the ambulance, Marc followed robotically. The paramedic turned back and asked, “sir, I am going to have to ask what is your relationship with him.”

Marc is suddenly at lost at what to say. What is the right answer that could get him onto the ambulance? Luckily, the other paramedic answered for him, “can’t you tell? He’s a police officer too.”

Guess one of the best benefits of being the boys in blue is that people hardly say no to your requests. The paramedic let him onto the ambulance with no further questions.

Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 7

Everyone got 2 days off after the parade. Marc spent all waking hours by Kay’s bedside. He even called Bettina letting her know that he wouldn’t be able to go to see Sebastian this weekend.

Marc sat in that uncomfortable chair, holding Kay’s hand. Sometimes he would talk to Kay, telling him about his son, his childhood, their days in police academy. But most of the time, he just stared. His mind seem to be racing very fast but he could not focus on anything at all. During the day, multiple groups of doctors and nurses came by Kay’s bedside doing various jobs. They all say Kay’s numbers look better but to Marc, he looks the same.

On Sunday, Marc went to hospital a little bit late because there were some paperwork to do at the station. When he went to the ICU room, he say a woman in her early 30s with shoulder length blond hair was sitting by Kay’s bedside.  She turned around as she heard Marc opening the door.

Marc immediately realized her resemblance with Kay. She had the same dirty blond hair and clear blue eyes. She wasn’t strikingly beautiful, but definitely very attractive. Her eyes are swollen and tear stains are apparent on her face.

She smiled weakly at Marc and introduced herself, “hi, I am Lisa. Kay’s older sister. I came when I got a call from his supervisor that he was shot and now in critical condition. You must be his colleague.”

Marc awkwardly shook her hand, thankful that he didn’t have to think about how he was going to introduce himself.

“I’m Marc. I’m on the same unit as Kay.”

Lisa looked taken back a little. “So you are Marc, from Ludwigsburg?”

Marc nodded, a little embarrassed from Lisa’s examining look.

Lisa broadened her smile a little bit, “well, you are definitely as good-looking as I imagined.”

Marc blushed and cleared his throat. He immediately started to like Kay’s sister.

“Kay… He had talked about me?”

Lisa nodded, “when he worked at Stuttgart last year, he stayed with me a for a week until he found his own place. He looked a little depressed. He tried to hide it but I could tell. I asked him whether it’s because of another man. He didn’t deny it. One day when he was a little drunk, he told me about you. How you guys met in the academy. How he asked for transfer to Ludwigsburg because of you. But you had a long term girlfriend and a child on the way. In the end, you two broke up because you couldn’t leave your girlfriend and the newborn child.”

Marc lowered his head to look at the floor. “I’m sorry. ” He murmured.

“Oh no I understand.” Lisa replied. “I have two children of my own and I can imagine how sticky the situation must be for you. That’s what I told Kay too, that it’s better for him to forget about you and move on. But I know my baby brother.” She turned to reach out and brushed Kay’s blond hair with her delicate fingers. ” He is always so independent, so cool, so carefree. If he was that hurt from the break up, he must have loved the guy very very much.”

Marc beginning to feel his eyes getting watery again. “I love him too. ” He stammered.

Lisa looked at him, a little anger suddenly sparked in her blue eyes. “I hope you mean what you said. I am not angry with you for wanting to stay with your wife and child, but if you are going to keep playing with Kay’s feelings, I can’t have that. Because if you say those words when he wakes up, he will believe you and never be able to move on. ”

Marc shook his head, “I won’t have it any other way. No I am completely serious. Bettina and I split. I see my son Sebastian once every 2 weeks. I transferred and moved here for Kay.”

“Oh so are you guys back together?” Lisa asked.

Marc sighed, “not really. I just moved here 3 weeks ago. Kay…He is still mad at me for giving up on us. I..” Marc was debating to tell Lisa how Kay got shot, but the guilt is becoming overwhelming. “Kay saved my life. ” He breathed deeply, “that bullet was aimed at me and Kay took it for me. I am sorry. It’s completely my fault that he is laying here. I am sorry.” Marc choked on his voice. Tears spilled over his eyes and he wiped them with his sleeve.

To Marc’s surprise, Lisa came over and give him a gentle hug. “Shish. It’s okay.” She told him in a soothing voice. “I am not angry at you, Marc. Kay is an adult. Whatever happened, it’s his choice. He will be happy he did this for you. Since he became a police officer, I thought this critical condition might happen one day. I know if you really love him like you say, it pains you more to stand here looking at him like this. ”

“I don’t know what I would do without him.” Marc sobbed.

Feeling like the pent emotion that Marc felt since Kay got shot has finally found an outlet. Someone who loved Kay just as much. Someone who understood what he went through. Marc balled on Lisa’s shoulder almost like a baby.

After Marc’s calmed down from the emotional burst, Lisa passed him tissues from her purse. With eyes swollen and red like 2 peaches, Marc suddenly became very embarrassed that he lost his composure in front of a woman that he just met today.

“Lisa.” Marc cleared his throat and tried to change the subject a little bit, “is Kay’s and your parents going to come visit? Do you have other siblings?”

Lisa sadly shook her head. “No, it’s just me and Kay. Our parents were not very understanding when Kay came out to them during his time at university. They threatened not to continue paying for his tuition if he didn’t change his lifestyle choice. As if it was a choice.” Lisa sighed. “That is why Kay dropped out and decided to become a police officer, the tuition is paid for by the government. That was almost 10 years ago and Kay hadn’t really spoken to them since then. I know he cares about them and they care about Kay too. I keep updating them about Kay’s current life and tell Kay about what our parents are up to as well. They are all very interested. But they are all just too stubborn to apologize to each other. Especially Kay and Dad. I thought about telling them that Kay was shot and now at hospital. But they just left yesterday for Canada to our uncle who just had a stroke. I didn’t want to drag them all the way back or getting them worried while on the other side of the world. Kay will pull through. I know he will. ”

Lisa turned and looked at Marc again. ” I think that’s why I think Kay became so independent and learnt to take care of himself. He liked to talking about nothing and everything but never talked about his feelings very much. Before he met you, I don’t think he had been very serious with anyone. He probably thought no one in the world cared about him other than me. He loved adventures, a little too much for my liking. I always told him I would grow old fast worrying about him. But I think that’s his charm, always carefree, no strings attached. Until he met you of course. ” Lisa smiled as she talked more about her beloved brother. “When he first left Ludwigsburg, he was a different man. He was very quiet and sulked a lot. He wasn’t interested in doing anything. He always loved to play with my sons but those days he stayed with us, he couldn’t be bothered. That is how I knew my brother had fell hard for you.”

“I fell hard for him too. I just didn’t realize at that time.” Marc smiled and took Kay’s hand. Listening to Lisa talking about Kay made him very happy. He felt that he knew Kay so much better now and made him love Kay even more. He learnt how difficult it must have been for Kay coming out to his parents as Marc thought about how he hasn’t talked to his parents for a year. He thought about how lonely Kay must have been all those years. Marc kissed Kay’s hand without realizing that Lisa was still looking at him. “I would never leave you.” He whispered.

“I’m glad Kay had found you.” Lisa was smiling while wiping her eyes with tissue. “Marc.” She turned serious a bit, “please don’t hurt my brother again. He isn’t as strong as he looks. I always wished there would be someone to take care of him.”

“I will. I promise. ” Marc took Kay’s hand and placed it against his chest. He looked at Lisa with a serious expression. “I can’t promise I would never hurt him again. But if it happens, it would not be on purpose.”

Lisa nodded. “I believe you, Marc.” She looked at her watch and stood up. “I have to drive back to Stuttgart now. My husband Wes and my sons will be back home soon. ” She took a piece of paper from her purse, scribbled on it, and handed to Marc. “This is my cell. Please call me if there is any update with Kay. ”

“Of course.” Marc took the paper and put in his pocket. “Drive safe.”

Lisa leaned down and kissed Kay’s forehead. She waved bye at Marc and left the room, leaving Marc alone with Kay again.

Breathe Evenly-Freier Fall Fanfiction

Breathe Evenly-Chapter 8

For the next few days, Marc’s life revolved around 3 stops, work during night, sleep a couple of hours at home in the morning, and hospital to see Kay. He had been in Kay’s room so much that the nurses in the ICU began to fawn over his good looks, only to have their hopes crushed when they see how loving his gesture toward Kay was.

Kay did start to look better everyday which lifted Marc’s spirit up to no end. Lines and drains start to come out, or at least got smaller in size. According to the doctors, his lungs are healing very well and he will be able to come off the ventilator very soon. The only concern they had was how well Kay’s brain will recover from the lack of oxygen. For some reason, meeting Lisa had infused a lot of hope in Marc. Now all Marc can think about is Kay’s confident nature and strong personality. He firmly believe that Kay will be fine in the end.

On Thursday early afternoon, as Marc makes his way to Kay’s room a pleasant surprise was waiting for him. The tube from Kay’s mouth was gone and replaced with thin tubing delivering oxygen to his nose. Monica, the same nurse the night Kay came in was on again and greeted Marc,

“Good news. We were able to remove the tube this morning and he is doing fabulous. I was planning to call you but has just gotten so busy and hasn’t had a chance yet. ”

Marc thanked her. He was suddenly nervous as he walked into Kay’s room. Did Kay want to see him? What was he going to say to Kay?

Kay looked so peaceful reclining in bed, eyes closed, with oxygen to his nose. Kay opened his eyes when he heard someone came in through the door. As their gazes met, Kay’s clear blue eyes made Marc’s heart melt. He felt like it’s been a century since he saw them. He was so happy that he could cry again. He inched to Kay’s bedside and sat by him, carefully reading what expression those blue eyes are trying to convey.

“Kay…” Instinctively Marc held Kay’s left hand. Not knowing how Kay would react, he started withdrawing as soon as he touched Kay’s hand. However, Kay grabbed onto it. Kay is very weak right now, but Marc could tell Kay is holding onto his hand with all the strength.

Marc smiled thankfully, “how are you feeling, Kay?”

“Tired, sleepy.” Kay said in a groggy voice. “How many days have I been out.”

“The parade was Saturday. We came to hospital Saturday evening. This is Thursday afternoon now.” Marc answered.

“The parade.” Kay’s blue eyes opened wider, as if suddenly remembered something. “The parade. That bunch of assholes have to get that drunk, going at each other like retards. Are you okay, Marc? Were you hurt?”

Marc felt eyes watering again. He had to be gay. Marc thought, or why would he get emotional like this all the time, whenever Kay is involved.

Marc reached up with his other hand to caress Kay’s face. The swelling had gone down considerably over the last few days, but Marc was still very careful and gentle with his touch. “No silly. You were the one badly hurt. You are the one laying on the hospital bed. Kay, that night on the pavement, I thought I lost you forever. “Marc felt he was losing his voice.

Kay managed his characteristic cocky smile. With back and blue around the eyes and facial hair badly in need of a shave, Marc thought he had never seen Kay more beautiful.

“Come one, pussy. It takes more than that to kill me.” Kay joked.

Tears now starting to trickle down his face, Marc said in a broken voice, “Kay..You took the bullet for me. You saved my life. Just a measly thank you and I love you seem like a spit in the wind. But that’s all I can offer right now. I wanted to protect you. But it seems like I had done nothing but hurt you, physically and emotionally. I am so sorry. I..”

Kay used his hand, still tangled with IV line, to cover Marc’s mouth and stop him from talking.

“Hey Marc, it’s my choice.” Kay said in a hoarse voice, throat still dry from the breathing tube. “I am the one who ruined your life. You had a girlfriend who loved you, supportive parents, a child on the way. I had to drag you down with me. Bettina had everything to offer, a perfect family, home, and life. What do I have to offer? A quick fuck in the rain? Drugs and clubs? Sex in the dirty bathroom stalls? No wonder you decided to give up. ”

Marc leaned forward and almost crushed Kay to his own body which must have irritated Kay’s wound making him wince in pain. Marc immediate loosened his grip and murmured “I’m sorry” to Kay’s ear. He brushed through Kay’s blond spikes with his fingers and his tears streamed down into crook of Kay’s neck. Marc felt Kay burying his face in his neck as well and Kay tightly squeezing his shoulder blades.

After Marc’s sobs have quieted, he brought Kay’s forehead to his for a moment. Left hand still caressing Kay’s right cheek, Marc looked straight into those clear blue eyes covered by a layer of mist and said, “Kay, besides my son Bastian, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You showed me who I really am. When I met you, it was a whole new beginning, as if the years before were part of some past life. I had missed you so much after you left. I thought about you every single day. You know how pathetic I had become?” Marc chuckled embarrassedly. “I ran almost everyday on our old trail in the woods. After I split with Bettina, I actually moved to your old apartment because there were too many of our happy memories there.”

Kay raised his eye brows, gently tapped Marc’s head and snickered, “that is pathetic, pussy.”

“See, that’s how I am without you. Kay, I love you.” Marc suddenly became nervous and bit his lower lip, “I want to be with you. That’s what I came to Munich for. Are you willing to Kay? ” Marc asked in an unsure tone, “Are you willing to try? Be with me?”

” I don’t know, Marc. ” Kay sighed.

Marc’s dropped his hand, he could feel his shoulders slumping. “Is, is there someone else?” He diverted his eyes from Kay’s gaze.

Kay shook his head, “I told you before, Marc. There is no one else. I just. It’s just too complicated with you. I thought everything was simple before. We were just having a great time. I knew about your girlfriend, but I didn’t know you were expecting a child. Even so, I let myself fall for you just the same. I still thought it would be simple. If we loved each other, nothing else mattered. After Bettina invited me to that BBQ, I saw you with your son, how great you are with him. How your parents told me to get out of your life and how you told me to leave too. I saw how complicated it was going to be. I was still willing to try, but you weren’t. I have to say Marc, that hurt, a lot. Much more than this bullet, if you can believe me.”

Marc brought Kay’s hands to his lips and kissed them tenderly. “I know Kay. I am sorry. I am so sorry. I was a selfish coward. But Kay, I promise, I realized what a huge mistake I had made.”

“But nothing has changed, Marc. There is still your parents, your son. How is he by the way?”

“Bastian is great. ” Marc’s spirit lifted as he talked about his son. “He’s growing up so fast. I hope he will grow to become a better man than his father. Kay, I would love for you to meet him some day. I think you two will get along great. ”

Kay laid back on the bed and snickered sarcastically, ” I bet Bettina and your parents will love that idea.”

“I haven’t talked to my parents for a year. ” Marc sighed, “I think Bettina will be okay with it, eventually. She has been very reasonable with me and plus she has found her own life. She’s not mad at you, only at me.”

Kay squeezed Marc’s hands, “I’m sorry I caused the trouble for you and your parents.”

“Don’t be silly. “Marc changed to a more serious tone, “let me ask you Kay. Do you still love me?”

Kay nodded without hesitation.

Marc smiled broadly, “then let’s give it a shot. Don’t worry about any of it right now. We will work it out eventually. I know we will.”

Kay took a deep, steadying breathe as if gathering all his courage and determination. He gave Marc the response that made Marc’s heart flip. He nodded.

Marc felt the only time that had been comparable in happiness that he is feeling now was the birth of his son. He leaned down and kissed Kay passionately, tasting the lips that he had missed all year, exploring all the corners and nooks of Kay’s mouth. Kay responded with equally feverish movements. They seemed to forget that this was an ICU room with glass walls and 10 different patients as well as many doctors and nurses in the same unit.

They had to let go of each other when the alarm on the monitor became too loud and nurses rushed in saying Kay was not getting enough oxygen. Kay turned pale a bit and looked like he was having a difficult time breathing that even made Marc slightly worried.

After catching his breath, Kay showed a satisfied smile on his face. Marc returned the smile and gently wiped Kay’s now swollen lips.

“Got to do better than that next time, pussy.”

Kay reached up to caress Marc’s cheek and brow, “you really look like you haven’t slept in days. Do you want to catch a nap here before you go to work?” Kay started to shift to the side of bed slowly to make room for Marc, frowning slightly due to pain.

Marc did feel tired. He hardly slept more than 3 hours each day since Kay had been in the hospital. With the lines, cords, and the saggy mattress, the hospital bed was not at all comfortable. But holding on to Kay, smelling his scent, there was no-where else that Marc would rather be.

Marc thought of a lot of things he still wanted to talk about with Kay, like Kay’s sister Lisa’s family, how Kay hasn’t spoken to his parents for 10 years, why did Kay move 3 times within the past year. But for now, just knowing Kay still loved him and being by his side is enough. Marc breathed evenly and drifted into deep sleep, dreaming of a future together with the man he loved.